Is He Married Articles

Is he the one?

Now you are celebrating for finding the right man – YES! – And you are even considering getting married. Is it possible to know that something that feels so good can last forever, if ever?

If you watched news every day, you can see a lot of couples getting married, from locals to celebrities showing the world of their undying love and devotion, only to see them a month or so later, separating because things didn’t work out well for them.

How could it be possible for one person, or a woman for that matter, tell the world of her love for a man, only to realize later on (after getting married) that she married the wrong man?

One can always prepare with this kind of outcome if a relationship has been evaluated beforehand. There are far too many ways to know a man’s true nature and values, and for you to find out if the man you are with is the right one for you. With this kind of evaluation beforehand, the chances of marrying the wrong person will decrease.

To help you decide whether the man you are engaged with is worth the walk in aisle and save you the heartbreak if he ends up your ex, here are six tips:

Know his past. If there is something about your guy’s past that doesn’t seem clear to you and bothers you, and hearing about it just makes you think it’s about another person, your relationship would be at stake. Eventually as wheels continue to turn, what he was then, he still is now. It will come back and his actions will be on a repeat and bad news for you if you were the one during that time. In short, he will slip back to his old ways.

Know what you need in a relationship. Think of those qualities that you saw in him. Not just those that attracted you to him but rather, all those innate qualities that make him worth it. Ask him what qualities does he consider worthy to uphold and value; and if those qualities and priorities matches yours. For example is that he has a job that demands longer hours every day and he likes it, do you think you can handle that? Would you be willing to put up with longer hours to wait for him to come home for dinner? Will you be willing to sacrifice your ‘us’ time with him for the sake of his success?

See the person that he really is. You are marrying the person you know now, not the man that he is going to be like in the future. Think about if he has grand plans about his future, becoming a businessman with all these chain stores in mind, but all you get are the bills for the loan as evidence of the business venture he had in mind.

It is important to have a secure financial future, more often than not, “many women found that they are attracted to marriage because they think they are floundering” as said by Jennifer Gauvain, Couples Therapist.

Family Orientation. When you marry, you are not marrying the person alone but his whole family, depending on how close he is to them. It is important that you have similar or agreeable family values to consider when getting hitched. These people are going to be in your lives once you get married, thus, you need to agree on up to what extent they are going to be involved in your lives.

To cite and example, if he sees his family as worth putting on a pedestal despite the flaws, and in between disagreements he doesn’t side with you even if you are right, then it would cause a problem.  In marriage, you have to put each other first, even if you don’t see each other on the same level all the time.

There should be attraction. No matter how hard times fall, do not overlook the attraction part of the relationship. The spark should always be there. Elizabeth Lombardo, PhD, psychologist in Wexford, Pennsylvania said that

“A successful marriage means being more than best friends and that great sex won’t make problems go away, but it can really cushion your relationship during the inevitable tough times.”

Discard the Ticking Biological Clock. If you have a notion of marrying at a certain age, as this continues, your hunt for the right partner will drive you up the wall. Whatever reasons there may be for you to marry, random factors shouldn’t drive you to the edge of grabbing the opportunity just so you wouldn’t be left behind. This will only lead for you to marry the wrong guy.

Marry for the right reasons, not because your birthday is almost out of the calendar date, or your friend got married. Do not settle for Mr. Almost Right just because you feel that you are already lagging behind your bridal time line.

Don’t let fear be your reasoning factor for marrying. Ask yourself if your decision to marry your guy is reasonable enough, like, “Would I still marry this guy if I was not in a hurry?” If you answer a shallow yes, then it might be time to put everything on hold until you are quite sure.