Is He Married Articles

Relationship Advice For Women – Using Force During An Argument

Helping You Find Out if He is Married — Mon, 26 Jul 2010 05:00:09 +0000

Any Force during an Argument
An abuser may physically restrain you from leaving the room, lash out at you with his/her hand or another object, pin you against a wall or shout ‘right in your face’. Basically any form of force used during an argument can be a sign that actual violence is a strong possibility.

Regardless of which side of this equation you are on – get immediate help NOW! There is no future in this kind of relationship. You will not change either him or yourself. So it is best just to leave. Get out of there and file a police report. Any sign of gentleness on you part will only be seen as ‘weakness’ by him and he will continue to press, berate and badger you into coming back to him for more abuse. Just be done with him. If you are the abuser – get help. There is something seriously wrong with you that only a
medical professional can help you solve.

There are women who do dreadful things because they think they’ll hold onto their man by doing them. They need professional medical help as well. Women
should not get off ’scot-free’ but ’sisterhood’ means looking after one another and helping where we can.

Relationship Advice For Women – Threatening Violence, Breaking or Striking Objects

Helping You Find Out if He is Married — Mon, 19 Jul 2010 05:00:52 +0000

Threatening Violence
This would obviously include any threat of physical force such as “If you speak to him/her again, I’ll kill you”, or “If any wife of mine acted like John’s did, I’d give her a right seeing to”. But can also include less obvious threats, such as “If you leave me, I will kill myself”. Threats are designed to manipulate and control you, to keep you in your place and prevent you making your own decisions. Most people do not threaten their mates, but an abuser will excuse this behaviour by saying “everybody talks like that.”, maintaining he/she is only saying this because the relationship or you are so important to him/her, tell you you’re “over-sensitive” for being upset by such threats, or obviously want to hurt him/her.

Breaking or Striking Objects
The abusive person may break your treasured object, beat his/her fists on the table or chair or throw something at or past you. Breaking your things is often used as a punishment for some imagined misdeed on your part. Sometimes it will be justified
by saying that now that you are with him/her, you don’t need these items any more. Breaking your possessions also has the effect of de-personalizing you, denying you your individuality or literally trying to break links to your past. Beating items of
furniture or throwing objects will often be justified by saying you wound him/her up so much they lost control, once again shifting the blame for this behaviour on to you, but is actually used to terrorize you into submission. Only very immature or abusive
people beat on objects in the presence of other people in order to threaten or intimidate them.

Relationship Advice For Women – Drinking And Substance Abuse, History of Battering or Sexual Violence

Helping You Find Out if He is Married — Mon, 12 Jul 2010 05:00:10 +0000

Drink or Substance Abuse
While neither drinking or the use of drugs are signs of an abusive personality, heavy drinking or drug abuse may be a warning sign and do increase the risks of abuse, especially violence, taking place. Often an abusive person will blame the drink for his/her abuse. However, a person who, knowing there is a risk he/she could be violent when drinking or on drugs, chooses to get drunk or high, is in effect choosing to abuse. The link between substance abuse and domestic abuse is still being researched, and it is apparent that while neither alcohol nor drugs necessarily cause violence, they do increase the risk of violence.

History of Battering or Sexual Violence
Very rarely is abuse or violence a one-off event: a batterer will beat any woman he is with; a sexually abusive person will be abusive toward all his intimate partners. Situational circumstances do not make a person an abusive personality. Sometimes friends or family may try to warn you about the abuser. Sometimes the abuser may tell you himself/herself that he/she has hit or sexually assaulted someone in the past. However, they may further go on to explain that “she made me do it by …” or in some other way not take responsibility and shift the blame on to the victim. They may tell you that it won’t happen with you because “you love them enough to prevent it” or
“you won’t be stupid enough to wind me up that much”. Once again, this is denying their own responsibility for the abuse, and shifting the responsibility for the relationship to remain abuse free on to you. Past violence is one of the strongest
pointers that abuse will occur.

Relationship Advice For Women – Rigid Sex Roles, Verbal Abuse,

Helping You Find Out if He is Married — Mon, 05 Jul 2010 05:00:00 +0000

Rigid Sex Roles
Abusers usually believe in stereotypical gender roles. A man may expect a woman to serve him; stay at home, obey him in all things—even things that are criminal in nature. A male abuser will often see women as inferior to men, more stupid, unable to be a whole person without a relationship. Female abusers may expect the man to provide for them entirely, shift the responsibility for her well-being onto him or heckle him as being ‘not a real man’ if he shows any weakness or emotion.

Verbal Abuse
In addition to saying things that are meant to be cruel and hurtful, either in public or in private, this can include degrading remarks or running down any accomplishments. Often the abuser will tell you that you are ’stupid’, could not manage without him/her.

He/she may keep you up all night to ’sort this out once and for all’ or even wake you at night to continue to verbally abuse you. The abuser may even say kindly things to your face, but speak badly about you to friends and family.In addition to saying things that are meant to be cruel and hurtful, either in public or in private, this can include degrading remarks or running down any accomplishments. Often the abuser will tell you that you are ’stupid’, could not manage without him/her. He/she may keep you up all night to ’sort this out once and for all’ or even wake you at night to continue to verbally abuse you. The abuser may even say kindly things to your face, but speak badly about you to friends and family from outsiders. Many victims describe “sudden”
changes in mood – one minute nice and the next explosive or hysterical, or one minute happy and the next minute sad. This does not indicate some special “mental problem” but are typical of abusive personalities, and related to other characteristics such
as hypersensitivity.

Relationship Advice For Women – Cruelty to Children, ‘Playful’ use of Force in Sex

Helping You Find Out if He is Married — Mon, 28 Jun 2010 05:00:16 +0000

Cruelty to Children
The abusers unrealistic expectations of their partner are often mirrored in their attitude toward children. He/she will think of children as ’small adults’ and blame the children for not being responsible, having common sense or understanding. He/she may expect children to be capable far beyond their ability (e.g. is angry with a two-year old for wetting their pants or being sick on the carpet, waking at night or being upset by nightmares) and will often meet out punishments for ‘naughtiness’ the child could not be aware of. Abusers may tease children until they cry, or punish children way beyond what could be deemed appropriate. He/she may not want children to eat at the table, expect them to stay quiet, or keep to their room all evening while he/she is at home.

Since abusers want all your attention themselves, they resent your spending time with the children or any normal demands and needs the children may have. As above (cruelty to Animals), there is a very strong link between Domestic Violence and Child Abuse.

‘Playful’ use of Force in Sex
He/she may pressure you to agree to forceful or violent acts during sex, or want to act out fantasies where you are helpless. A male abuser may let you know that the idea of “rape” excites him. He/she may show little concern about whether you want to have
intercourse and uses sulking or anger to manipulate you into compliance. Starting sex while you are sleeping, demanding sex when you are ill or tired, or refusing any form of intimacy unless you are willing to go ‘all the way’ can all be signs that he/she could be sexually abusive or sexually violent. Forcing you into sexual behaviors and situations with which you may be uncomfortable.

Relationship Advice For Women – Blame Shifting for Feelings, Hypersensitivity, Cruelty To Animals

Helping You Find Out if He is Married — Mon, 21 Jun 2010 05:00:34 +0000

Blame-shifting for Feelings
The abuser will deny feelings stem from within him/her but see them as reactions to your behavior or attitude toward him/her. He/she may tell you that ‘you make me mad’, ‘you’re hurting me by not doing what I ask’, or that he/she cannot help feeling mad, upset, etc. Feelings may be used to manipulate you, i.e. ‘I would not be angry if you didn’t …’ Positive emotions will often also be seen as originating outside the abuser, but are more difficult to detect. Statements such as ‘You make me happy’ or ‘You make me feel good about myself’ are also signs that the abuser feels you are responsible for his sense of well-being. Either way, you become in his/her mind the cause of good and bad feelings and are therefore responsible for his/her emotional well-being and happiness. Consequently, you are also to blame for any negative
feelings such as anger, upset or depression.

Hypersensitivity
Most abusers have very low self-esteem and are therefore easily insulted or upset. They may claim their feelings are ‘hurt’ when they are really angry, or take unrelated comments as personal attacks. They may perceive normal set-backs (having to work additional hours, being asked to help out, receiving a parking fine, etc.) as grave personal injustices. They may view your preference for something which differs from their own as a criticism of their taste and therefore themselves (e.g. blue wallpaper rather than pink, etc.).

Cruelty to Animals
The abuser may punish Animals brutally, be insensitive to their pain or suffering, or neglect to care for the Animals to the point of cruelty, e.g. not feeding them all day, leaving them in areas he/she knows will cause them suffering or distress. There is a
strong correlation between cruelty to Animals and domestic violence which is still being researched.

Relationship Advice For Women – Unrealistic Expectations, Isolation, Blame Shifting

Helping You Find Out if He is Married — Mon, 14 Jun 2010 05:00:57 +0000

Unrealistic Expectations
The abuser may expect you to be the perfect husband, wife, mother, father, lover, and friend. He/she is very dependent on you for all his/her needs, and may tell you he/she can fulfill all your needs as lover, friend, and companion. Statements such as: ‘lf
you love me, I’m all you need.’, ‘You are all I need.’ are common. Your abuser may expect you to provide everything for him/her emotionally, practically, financially or spiritually, and then blame you for not being perfect or living up to expectation.

Isolation
The abuser may try to curtail your social interaction. He/she may prevent you from spending time with your friends or family and demand that you only go places ‘together’. He/she may accuse you of being ‘tied to your mother’s apron strings’, not being committed to the relationship, or view people who are your personal friends as ‘causing trouble’ or ‘trying to put a wedge’ between you. He/she may want to live in the country without a phone, not let you use the car, stop you from working or gaining an income.

Blame-shifting for Problems
Very rarely will an abusive personality accept responsibility for any negative situation or problem. If they are unemployed, can’t hold down a job, were thrown out of college or University or fall out with their family, it is always someone else’s fault, be it the boss, the government, or their mother. They may feel that someone is always doing them wrong, or out to get him. He/she may make a mistakes and then blame you for upsetting him/her or preventing him/her from doing as they wished to.

Relationship Advice For Women – Warning Signs – Controlling Behaviour, Quick Involvment

Helping You Find Out if He is Married — Mon, 07 Jun 2010 05:00:22 +0000

Controlling Behavior
Controlling behavior is often disguised or excused as concern. Concern for your safety, your emotional or mental health, the need to use your time well, or to make sensible decisions. Your abuser may be angry or upset if you are ‘late’ coming back from work, shopping, visiting friends, etc., even if you told him/her you would be later back than usual. Your abuser may question you closely about where you were, whom you spoke to, the content of every conversation you held, or why you did something
he/she was not involved in. As this behaviour gets worse, you may not be allowed to make personal decisions about the house, clothing, going to church or how you spend your time or money or even make you ask for permission to leave the house or room.
Alternately, he/she may theoretically allow you your own decisions, but penalize you for making the wrong ones. Concern for our loved ones to a certain extent is normal – trying to control their every move is not.

Quick Involvement
Many victims of abuse dated or knew their abuser for less than six months before they were engaged or living together. The abuser will often claim ‘love at first sight’, thatyou are ‘made for each other’, or that you are the only person whom he could ever talk to
so openly, feel so at home with, could understand him so well. He/she may tell you that they have never loved anyone so much or felt so loved by anyone so much before, when you have really only known each other for a short amount of time. He/she needs someone desperately, and will pressure you to commit to him/her or make love before you feel the relationship has reached ‘that stage’. He/she may also make you feel guilty for not committing yourself to him/her.

Relationship Advice For Women – Warning Signs -Jealousy

Helping You Find Out if He is Married — Mon, 31 May 2010 05:00:13 +0000

It is an unfortunate fact that the majority of women have suffered some kind of abuse at the hands of men at one time or another. While it is true that one person cannot know everything about another person, there are some things you can guess at with fair accuracy. If someone doesn’t seem quite right, chances are that he isn’t ‘quite right’. It is sometimes possible to predict the likelihood of the person you are currently or are about to become involved with being abusive. Below are a list of behaviors and traits which are common in abusive personalities. These are commonly known as Warning Signs.

While not all abusive people show the same signs, or display the tendencies to the same extent, if several behavioral traits are present, there is a strong tendency toward abusiveness. Generally, the more signs are present, the greater the likelihood of violence. In some cases, an abuser may have only a couple of behavioral traits that can be recognized, but they are very exaggerated (e.g. extreme jealousy over ridiculous things).

Often the abuser will initially try to explain his/her behaviour as signs of his/her love and concern, and the victim may be flattered at first; as time goes on, the behaviors become more severe and serve to dominate, control and manipulate the victim.

Jealousy
At the beginning of a relationship, an abuser will always say the jealousy is a sign of love. He/she may question you about whom you have spoken to or seen during the day, may accuse you of flirting, or be jealous of time you spend with family, friends, children or hobbies which do not include him/her. As the jealousy progresses, he/she may call you frequently during the day or drop by unexpectedly. He may be unhappy about or refuse to let you work for fear you’ll meet someone else, check the car mileage or ask friends to keep an eye on you. Jealousy is not proof of love, it is a sign of insecurity and possessiveness.

Relationship Advice For Women – The Basics – part 9

Helping You Find Out if He is Married — Mon, 24 May 2010 05:00:07 +0000

As far as that elusive ability to rock their world with a single glance, most women have that capability if they’d only realize it. It begins with liking men. Sincerely liking men and everything about them from they way they smell to the way they think. If you feel
comfortable around them, enjoy interacting with them, you’re almost there. All you have to do now is learn to understand them and to acknowledge that yes, you do sincerely like and enjoy men.

Men like to be appreciated for what they do and for who they are. They want to have your respect. They care if you like them or not. They would really like it if you loved them. Try this now. Just go up to your man and give him a big hug while saying something like ‘Love you, baby’. That wasn’t so hard was it? Of course it works better if you and he do still love each other. If you have filed for divorce, or he has, it is too late and it is just best to move on.

There is one just more thing. Men need to be needed. They like to feel useful. It is part of that providing instinct they have. Letting them do things for you, instead of leaping up and doing them for yourself, will help fulfill this need. Always show some appreciation for their efforts.

Now that we’ve finished with the basics, it is time to explore some specifics.