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Signs of a Controlling Partner

A controlling partner is a partner who makes social, psychological or emotional damage in a relationship. They are perfectionist who finds fault in a relationship. A flaw-picker. This is not developed out of habit, but rather a characteristic in which a person has lived with most of growing years.

This kind of characteristic cannot be changed because the person has already grown and their “grain of wood has been set”. But behaviors can be changed if the person knows and is willing to change them. This is mostly a learned behavior of children with authoritarian parents. With their controlling behavior, they tend to destroy one’s self-image and confidence of the people close to them.

Here we will tackle some common characteristics to watch out for in a controlling relationship or partners. When you feel that you are not growing as an individual, or feels suffocated, it might be that you are already in a controlling relationship.

Signs of a Controlling Partner/Relationship to watch out for:

1. Physical Abuse: If your partner twists your arm, raises his/her fist, kick a door; hit a wall when they are upset, this is a serious sign of a controller. When you encounter this kind of partner, run for your life and don’t look back.
2. Possessiveness: A controlling person is a jealous person. Their uncontrollable knack for jealousy is surreal. They can be jealous of the opposite sex or jealous of everyone you make contact with, and that includes friends and family. A controlling partner doesn’t want to share his/her time with you with other people.
3. Stalker: A partner who wants complete control of you wants to track of you ALL THE TIME! The tendency to call you all the time and asking your whereabouts, asking lots of questions about where’ve you been, who you talked to, what did you talk about, the whole nine yards. Of course, at the beginning of the relationship, you may find this sweet because you think he cares about your well-being a lot, but don’t be fooled; this is his way of controlling you.
4. Mistrusting: If a person, who keeps track of you all the time, is always jealous, it also shows they don’t trust you enough. For a trusting partner, when you tell them you were with your friends, they would say, “Did you have fun?” but a controlling partner would ask a lot of follow-up questions trying to see if you slip up and make a mistake or would tell you, “You were with another man, didn’t you?”
5. Temperamental Outbursts: Most controllers have short fuses. Quick to anger, this makes you uneasy around the person all the time, you will live your life in fear that your partner will get annoyed, or angry. You will be walking on eggshells around them.
6. Cuts off your ties to your family and friends: Always jealous of their partner, these typical controllers will let you get rid of your friends. They will tell you negative comments about your friends and family members, telling you to dump all of them so you can spend all of your time with him/her.
7. Verbal Abuse: Controlling partners have a way of belittling their partners in the relationship. They put you down in front of your friends. Tells you ugly things about yourself, such as: “You are ugly”, “You are good for nothing”, he or she will point out every mistake you did or how you do everything wrong. Or plainly, they curse a lot on you that would make you feel less of a person.
8. Quick Apology – This one is the result once a controlling partner has repeated an offense to you. Things that they have done over and over to hurt or insult you, they would rush to offer their shallow apologies to you, promises to never do it again and the ‘wooing’ process starts, and if you accept, after your controlling partner sees that, he/she will revert back to the old ways.
9. Total Dependency: For a controlling partner, every decision that you are going to make, they decide and you don’t. You will lose your individuality because you don’t grow to be your own person; they will overshadow you with what THEY WANT you to do. It’s never about you. They want you to be totally dependent on them. You will find yourself being resentful, unhappy and gritting in anger if you stay in this kind of relationship long enough.

If you find yourself agreeing to what was said above, then you are definitely in a controlling relationship or have a controlling partner, by now, since you are reading something about it, you know there is a problem in the relationship.

Evaluate if the relationship is worth saving, if you can find it in yourself that you can still forgive and your partner is aware of the behavior and is willing to change for the better, there might be a chance for the relationship to survive. But if you partner refuses to admit the problem and doesn’t want to get help, then it might be time to get away from your controlling partner while you still have your self-esteem and sanity intact.

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