Is He Married Articles

Coping with breakup

Most breakups that happen are painful.  Who wants to be eliminated from the life of the one you cherish the most right?

Perhaps it’s even more painful for the one who has been ‘removed’ from their significant other’s life through text messaging, social media (i.e., facebook, twitter, etc), post-it notes, after all you spent your life (the entire time you were with the person) devoting yourself to them. Loving, caring, nurturing, and just like that, one day, they realized they don’t need you in their life anymore or finding out that they have replaced you with somebody else.

I am not talking about just the relationship per se, but also to marriage separation or divorce.

You see, all termination of relationships should be done in an upfront, straightforward manner, not unless it’s not possible to do that, or you are in a difficult situation with the person that you need to break the relationship off in an unusual manner.

After a breakup, we experience a variety of emotional roller coaster. It affects our life on how we function on a daily basis.

But after that, how do we cope with the breakup? As I’ve said, most breakups are painful, how do we learn to cope in situations such as this? Is there a way to recover from this hurtful experience?

Of course there is, but it depends on you and how willing are you to accept and let it go so you can start healing.

Here are some tips and advice on how to cope with breaking up in relationships:

1. Allow yourself to grieve – One of the best ways to cope up is to allow yourself to feel the pain you are suffering. Grieve if you must. If you allow yourself to grieve for a significant loss, you are releasing your pain and acknowledging what you are feeling. You vent out your frustrations, pains, anger, all of the emotions. Don’t hold unto them inside because it will destroy you.
2. Share your burden – Talk to a friend or somebody you trust. Cry your heart out. The more you talk about it, is the more you are “emotionally downloading” your baggage that you carry inside you. The more you talk about it, its significance and importance will lessen, and you will eventually get tired of telling the story over and over. When you unload your burden, you breathe easier and feel lighter.
3. Forgive your self – In one way or another, when a relationship fails, we tend to blame ourselves. Instead of tearing your heart out over something that isn’t your fault alone, learn to forgive yourself of whatever shortcomings in your relationship. No matter how hard you berate yourself, you cannot change what happened yesterday. All you can do is pick-up where you left off, learn from it and move on.
4. Acceptance – Learn to accept that the relationship is over. You cannot move forward if you keep on clinging to the idea that you might get back together one day. If it happens, maybe it will. But what’s important is the present.  The earlier you can accept that fact, the easier it is for you to move on with your life.
5. Reflect – When the time comes that you have accepted that it’s totally over, and you have forgiven yourself, reflect about the relationship. What did you learn about the person? What have you learned as a person? How can you make yourself better despite what happened?
6. 6. Develop the attitude – Always remember that you were born in this world without them, so how can you say that you can’t live without them? IT’s all about your attitude on how you see life differently. Sure, it’s worth the tears now, but looking back in the future, you can say, “Why did I cry so much about that person, I would have saved myself the tears if I knew I would be this better today.”

If you were left for another person, be thankful that they came along when they did! It might be that you were trying to get away from that person and you just didn’t know it yet. Just thank the person who fell next in line and wish them luck.

These were just some of the tips that works wonders in coping with breakups, there are other ways and not all of them healthy ones but nonetheless others use them to suit their personality and style.

Each man has his own style when it comes to sex. Each man has his own issues when it
comes to sex. The more men you enjoy, the more youlearn, the better your choices become, and the less you fear. The ’sacredness’ of sex lies not in the sex itself but in the bond between the partners. I recommend dating several simultaneously. The proper management of sex mean you’re using birth control, The Pill is the most effective; and
his using condoms both to prevent transmission of any diseases and to make clean-up easier. As for the rest, men will offer their services but you always have the final say not only as to enjoying him or not but even as to how you will enjoy him – the individual acts themselves. The woman controls the action. Just remember that ‘fair is fair’.
However, there is nothing more pathetic than a woman chasing after or mooning over a man who is not interested in her or doesn’t want her. If he doesn’t ’step up’ then it is time for you to ’step off’ that is, to move on and find another. There are lots of men out there and all of them are potentially interested in you. Do not be afraid to be alone. Also pathetic, is the woman who stays with an unsatisfactory man because that’s all she thinks she can get or keep. If he proves to be unsatisfactory, it is time to move on. Just say goodbye and walk away without fuss and no looking back. There are other
men out there.

The Cult of Virginity
Nothing has ruined more relationships than this idea of virginity having value. There was a reason for this before reliable birth control. But even then, the main idea behind it was repugnant. The cult of virginity was founded on the belief that once a woman had sex with a man she was ‘tainted’ and had no further value. None. Not even as a human being with a brain and whatever talent she may possess. Girls were subjected to wedding nights that resembled rapes and were considered sluts if they showed the least desire or enjoyment even within marriage.

Ignorance of your most basic human drive is not a ‘gift’ and there’s nothing ‘precious’ about virginity. Without some experience with men, and with yourself, your chances of selecting the most suitable husband are slender. Consider that the number one complaint of married men after 20 years with the same woman is lack of sex. Why is that? It is because women have the idea that being sexually experienced, enjoying sex and desiring masculine attention makes them a worthless slut. They pretend before marriage and then give it all up once they’ve had their children if they even have children.

The truth is that women have the same desires as men do. If she manages it properly, she can have a satisfying, safe, and entirely electrifyingly enjoyable sex life before, during, and after marriage – for her entire life. A sexually self-aware woman has the
capacity to ‘out-gun’ any six men you’d care to name. Focus that kind of attention upon a man and he’d be more than just merely delighted. Show him what you like, tell him what you like, participate fully, reciprocate, initiate sex, take control – have fun with this! How can you do all that if you have no idea what you like and what you’re doing?

Relationships
There are several varieties of relationships available. You can choose between open or closed, serious or not serious or the ‘friends with benefits’ arrangement that is currently popular. Which ever you choose, he must agree with it or the relationship
is over before it has begun. If he wants something different and negotiation is not possible, then just say goodbye.

Within a relationship, of any kind, fair is fair and effective communication is key. This means if you want him to do this, you had better be prepared to do that. Talk with him not at him. Listen to him without looking for hidden meanings or defensively filtering his message. The ’silent treatment’ and the ‘using sex as a reward’ treatment are childish games. Any use of them immediately diminishes your credibility.

Whatever your past has been, focus upon this man, right here, right now. He should not have to pay for others’ past crimes. No ‘past thinking’. He is not solely responsible for the future of this relationship. No ‘future thinking’. All relationships are a team
effort. If you cannot talk about the issue sensibly as an
adult, either it wasn’t important, so you drop it, or you are too close to it and need more time to think it through. There is no such thing as ‘making up’, there are only problems solved.

Do not demand exclusivity unless you are prepared to marry him right then and there. While you are dating, you have only those rights over him that he chooses to give you. You cannot make demands, other than condom usage and respectful treatment, and be thought of as an adult. You do not own him. You do own yourself so take control of
your life – be a whole person with a wonderful life before you go seeking someone to share it with you. This is what you must do if you wish to have any credibility at all and not just with men.

Onto more pleasant topics!
We shall begin with flirting or ‘how to hold onto man while keeping him at arm’s length’. The rule here is do not touch him. If you touch him, even lightly on his hand, he’ll take that as sexual interest in him and as permission to touch you. This is fine if that’s where you want to go but it isn’t ‘keeping him at arm’s length’. So long as don’t touch him, you can chat, laugh at his jokes, tell a few of your own and so on – it remains just flirting.

Under the heading of flirting with sexual intent are two games – “Confuse-a-Male” and “Shot Your Fox”. Both are extremely feminine and as such they both entrance and exasperate the men. By using “Confuse-a-Male” you are indicating a moderate level of interest in him. If you play “Shot Your Fox” you plan on bedding him at the earliest opportunity if he doesn’t make a mistake.
“Confuse-a-Male” is where you pull out all the stops and use elliptical references, innuendo, and nuance to the maximum extent permitted by law. Go ahead and verbally tease him and run linguistic rings around him – if you can. An experienced man will know what you are doing, and what it means (he may even play along) while an inexperienced man will just be befuddled.

“Shot Your Fox” is when both the man and the woman slyly and elaborately and with great deliberation refuse to get each other’s jokes while playing one joke off another in a kind of stately dance.This can only be done with a man who is capable of
playing it. The first one who laughs, loses the game. Once again, an experienced man will understand exactly what you are doing and what your intentions are while the inexperienced man will undoubtedly make a mistake.

Men do expect women to exhibit some sibylline behavior so not being straight-forward is okay but only to a point. Some shyness, indecisiveness, and even timidity is acceptable but again, only up to a point. Once you get to know him and he has earned a measure of your trust, he expects you to calm down and relax. The time has then come for you to ’step up’ and enter a relationship or to ’step off’ and decline his offer of a relationship.