A controlling partner is a partner who makes social, psychological or emotional damage in a relationship. They are perfectionist who finds fault in a relationship. A flaw-picker. This is not developed out of habit, but rather a characteristic in which a person has lived with most of growing years.

This kind of characteristic cannot be changed because the person has already grown and their “grain of wood has been set”. But behaviors can be changed if the person knows and is willing to change them. This is mostly a learned behavior of children with authoritarian parents. With their controlling behavior, they tend to destroy one’s self-image and confidence of the people close to them.

Here we will tackle some common characteristics to watch out for in a controlling relationship or partners. When you feel that you are not growing as an individual, or feels suffocated, it might be that you are already in a controlling relationship.

Signs of a Controlling Partner/Relationship to watch out for:

1. Physical Abuse: If your partner twists your arm, raises his/her fist, kick a door; hit a wall when they are upset, this is a serious sign of a controller. When you encounter this kind of partner, run for your life and don’t look back.
2. Possessiveness: A controlling person is a jealous person. Their uncontrollable knack for jealousy is surreal. They can be jealous of the opposite sex or jealous of everyone you make contact with, and that includes friends and family. A controlling partner doesn’t want to share his/her time with you with other people.
3. Stalker: A partner who wants complete control of you wants to track of you ALL THE TIME! The tendency to call you all the time and asking your whereabouts, asking lots of questions about where’ve you been, who you talked to, what did you talk about, the whole nine yards. Of course, at the beginning of the relationship, you may find this sweet because you think he cares about your well-being a lot, but don’t be fooled; this is his way of controlling you.
4. Mistrusting: If a person, who keeps track of you all the time, is always jealous, it also shows they don’t trust you enough. For a trusting partner, when you tell them you were with your friends, they would say, “Did you have fun?” but a controlling partner would ask a lot of follow-up questions trying to see if you slip up and make a mistake or would tell you, “You were with another man, didn’t you?”
5. Temperamental Outbursts: Most controllers have short fuses. Quick to anger, this makes you uneasy around the person all the time, you will live your life in fear that your partner will get annoyed, or angry. You will be walking on eggshells around them.
6. Cuts off your ties to your family and friends: Always jealous of their partner, these typical controllers will let you get rid of your friends. They will tell you negative comments about your friends and family members, telling you to dump all of them so you can spend all of your time with him/her.
7. Verbal Abuse: Controlling partners have a way of belittling their partners in the relationship. They put you down in front of your friends. Tells you ugly things about yourself, such as: “You are ugly”, “You are good for nothing”, he or she will point out every mistake you did or how you do everything wrong. Or plainly, they curse a lot on you that would make you feel less of a person.
8. Quick Apology – This one is the result once a controlling partner has repeated an offense to you. Things that they have done over and over to hurt or insult you, they would rush to offer their shallow apologies to you, promises to never do it again and the ‘wooing’ process starts, and if you accept, after your controlling partner sees that, he/she will revert back to the old ways.
9. Total Dependency: For a controlling partner, every decision that you are going to make, they decide and you don’t. You will lose your individuality because you don’t grow to be your own person; they will overshadow you with what THEY WANT you to do. It’s never about you. They want you to be totally dependent on them. You will find yourself being resentful, unhappy and gritting in anger if you stay in this kind of relationship long enough.

If you find yourself agreeing to what was said above, then you are definitely in a controlling relationship or have a controlling partner, by now, since you are reading something about it, you know there is a problem in the relationship.

Evaluate if the relationship is worth saving, if you can find it in yourself that you can still forgive and your partner is aware of the behavior and is willing to change for the better, there might be a chance for the relationship to survive. But if you partner refuses to admit the problem and doesn’t want to get help, then it might be time to get away from your controlling partner while you still have your self-esteem and sanity intact.

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-          How to deal with a controlling partner

Some people may think it terrible to be so untrustworthy but the fact is that there are several untrustworthy individuals out there and many of spouses are willing to cheat. Consider this; are you willing to be the other woman? What if you fall in love with him completely and then ask, “Is he married?” only to find out that the answer to that question is a resounding, “Yes.” Are you still willing to be the other woman? Research shows that most serial cheaters are quite happy to be able to have their cake and eat it too. Chances are he will not leave his wife for you and, even if he does, you will never be able to trust him. As the saying goes, “If he cheats with you, he’ll cheat on you.”

Even if he has separated or is estranged from his wife, this is something he should tell you upfront. If he lies about something like that, you need to ask yourself why. If he is separated or estranged from his wife, you need to know how long that has been the case and when the divorce will actually go through. You should consider not dating him until the divorce proceedings are finished. Just remember, as long as he is married to someone else, he cannot marry you.

So now that you understand the importance of the question, “Is he married?” the next step is to find out if he is single or not. The first thing to do is to check with family and friends – friends that you trust and ask them, “Is he married?” You can also sign up with a detective agency and get them to check it for you although this is rather an expensive option. A third option, probably more reliable than asking friends and family and certainly less expensive than a detective agency, is to sign up for an online service that can search the marriage records for all the states on your behalf. Asking the service, “Is he married?” can save you a whole lot of embarrassment and heartbreak later on. Do yourself a favor – check out the situation properly before falling madly in love.

To read more on How to Find out that the man you are dating is married? Click here, or log on to http://ishemarried.org/

There is a vast majority of women that remain in a dead relationship with the thoughts that things will get better in time. Women tend to convince ourselves that if we give plenty of love, patience, and devotion that we can change our partners. This is not the case. In order for someone to chance, they must accomplish it themselves. The only person whom you can change, is yourself. Realizing this is very important in any type of relationship, but extremely important where a relationship such as this is in the mix. Should you decide to see a professional to ask for help with relationships, they will emphasize this point over and over again. Once you take this point to heart, you may find out that the best thing for you is to get out of the relationship.

In my trip to trying to create a more healthy and fulfilling relationship for my own life, I have found a few basic principals that I put into place when dealing with matters of the heart. I am sharing these with you because I have found that they do help you to see the signs of bad relationships to that of a good, healthy relationship. This will help you to be able to open yourself up to the possibility of a true real love with someone.

1. Stop and figure out what went awry. Don’t sit and think about what could have been if only. – Take an honest glance at what happened in your relationship. This will help you to realize what it is that you need and want in a true loving relationship. Opening your mind up to thinking of what went wrong will help you to see what negative things you overlooked in the front of the relationship so that you do not repeat the same mistake. You will know a lot sooner that a relationship is not meant for you. If you sit and think about what could have been, you are only stopping yourself from finding the relationship that is meant for you. After all, a healthy, loving relationship is what we all want.

2. Keep your eyes open to repeat patterns. – Start identifying and understanding negative relationship patterns. Noticing that the same or close to the same, problems tend to rise in every relationship that you are in, then you need to figure out how to change these patterns so that they don’t happen in your future relationships also. Keep in mind that everyone that you may have a potential relationship with will have a past and carry some weight with it. You have had past relationships, so why wouldn’t the one you are interested in also? It is not ideal to sit and think that they have been waiting for you all their lives without dating anyone else ever. If you find yourself in a relationship where their past baggage is not something you can get past, you must get out of the relationship and start to evaluate your own issues regarding this.

3. Let go of all attachments that remind you of him. – It is very common for a woman to want to hold onto something from the one you were with, such as, a piece of clothing, or such other momento. This gives you a feeling of security and connection. You could go the other way and even tear up his favorite, prized t-shirt or even throw it away just to try to get even with him. Keep in mind that if you intentionally set out to hurt or humiliate someone, you usually end up hurting or humiliating yourself even more.

4. Do not have sex with you ex-boyfriend! - This is a huge thing and should never be gone against! If you continue to have sexual relations with someone who is not your legitimate boyfriend, you are setting yourself up for more heartache. In most cases, women will not openly admit it, but it is very difficult to keep love and sex apart. If you are still sleeping with an ex, your feelings will grow. This will cause more problems and heartache for you than when you first broke up. Setting your goals for sex turning back into an emotional relationship will be a big letdown. Keep in mind that sexual chemistry is not the same as true intimacy. Try not to confuse the two.

5. Take time out for yourself before beginning a new relationship. – Hooking yourself up in a rebound relationship is not going to help you heal. In most cases, the problems that you had in your past relationship will end up rearing their ugly heads in the new rebound relationship. Just as a scratch needs time to heal, so does your heart. Many women feel that once that relationship ends that they must run head first into a fresh one. Before doing this, you should take time out for yourself. Get to know yourself again as a single woman. This way when it is time for you to move onto a new relationship, you will be sure to know what it is you want out of it.

6. Ask for support and help with relationships. – Even though the person you lost is not dead, we still grieve for the loss we feel for them. You will mourn the loss of that love. This is normal. You can experience feelings of isolation, loneliness, and even depression. Some of which might feel completely overwhelming. Remember that you do not have to face this by yourself. There are friends, family members, counselors, or your minister that you can turn to for help in dealing. You could also join a support group if you feel this is the right step for you personally. This is the time to call on others to help you out and not suffer through it alone.

7. Your self-esteem needs strengthened regularly. – Many confuse being alone with that of being lonely. These are two totally separate things. If you start believing that they are the same, then your self esteem will continue to suffer. In order for you to maintain a high self-esteem, you have to feel complete by yourself without a man in your life. Strengthening your self-esteem is as easy as flushing out your filtering system. In other words, get rid of negative thoughts, conditions, and people. You cannot always be in control of what happens to you, but you can help to control how you respond in turn. Choosing to respond positively goes a long way in strengthening your self esteem.

8. Make a list of all the horrid things he did to you while in the relationship. - I am not saying you should become bitter and hold a lot of resentment towards him, but it is very essential that you remember how bad he did treat you. This will help you from developing that urge to take him back. This can help you to focus more on your own personal growth when he calls and tries to tempt you with a one night reconciliation. (Or possibly you wanting to make that call to him!)

9. Learn to let go and forgive. - Letting go and forgiving your ex-boyfriend can be a very hard thing to accomplish, especially if he was not nice and played with your emotions. However, to truly be able to move on, you need to get rid of all the anger and bitterness that you are holding on to. The longer you hold onto the anger, the longer you will be tied emotionally to him. This does not mean you forget what he did, just forgive. Always remember in the back of your mind how he treated you, but you have to let it go. Finding peace within yourself helps you to heal. Freeing yourself from an unhealthy relationship and accomplishing what you must will help you to move forward to finding that good, healthy relationship that you deserve to have.

For More Information On Help With Relationships, Please Click Here!

Signs of controlling relationships can be slight to begin with. Once the relationship starts to become more long-term, the controlling behavior gets more intense and the flattery that was felt at one time is completely gone. This can include always asking who you are talking to on the phone, just popping up without notice, dictating the clothing you should wear, or even asking you to act a certain way. These are basic signs of controlling relationships. On the other hand, there is always the chance that your new mate may really just want to pop in to surprise you to say hello because he missed you or that he really does love you that one certain sweater. Determining which way the relationship is heading is a big decision. Is it headed in a healthy wonderful way? Or is it headed for disaster?

If you believe that your relationship is showing signs of a controlling relationship, think of it this way; If you say something to him about his behavior being overly controlling, does he flip out? If he honestly wasn’t meaning to control you, the valid emotions would normally be offering an apology or maybe feeling hurt that you feel that way about how he has been acting. However, someone who is overly possessive and controlling would be very defensive or try to turn it around and make you feel guilt for broaching the subject. This is a huge warning sign of a controlling relationship. At this stage, your new boyfriend is laying the foundation so that you do not broach the subject in the future so that an argument is not brought up by you calling him on his wrongful behavior.

If you are aware of the signs of a healthy relationship, it is a lot easier to understand and acknowledge signs of controlling relationships. If you are not sure you will be able to notice the signs right off the bat, take it slow and don’t jump head first into a full on relationship without knowing what you are getting into. Get to know them first.

Many controlling relationships get deep quickly. If you feel that the relationship is moving way too fast and getting way too intense too quick, slow it down. You should take a few steps back and examine the relationship fully. Your boyfriend will get very upset if he is trying to control everything. He will not want to slow down and will try to delve deeper without listening to your concerns.

If you find yourself in this predicament, you will have to examine the situation fully and find out if you feel you can end the relationship safely. If you do not believe you can and you worry about your safety, try talking to a cop or a counselor. If you don’t feel like talking to a stranger, you can try to talk to someone in your family. Once you do end the relationship, never agree to meet with me afterwards. If you have to return personal stuff that was left with you, make sure it is done in a public place and it would be best if you don’t go alone.

For More Information On Controlling Relationships and To Proceed With a Background Check, Visit: http://ishemarried.org.